Donald J. Trump- 45th President of the United States of America

Donald J. Trump

Donald J. Trump (June 14, 1946- July 4, 2048), otherwise known as “The Donald”, “The man who made America Great Again” and “Donald Fucking Trump”, was the 45th and greatest President of the United States of America. He is widely known as the President who “Made America Great Again” and dramatically transformed the country’s demographic makeup. Trump served a record seven terms as President and managed to repeal the 22nd amendment that was instituted after Franklin Delano Roosevelt served four terms. Trump is widely known as an iconic figure and has far surpassed George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Delano Roosevelt combined as the greatest President in the history of the United States. Trump has a spot at Mount Rushmore all to himself after replacing the old Mount Rushmore with a giant image of no one other than Donald J. Trump.

2016 Election:

Originally believed to be a long shot at winning the Republican nomination, Trump surprised everybody by steamrolling his competition. He swept the first three states (Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina) and basically clinched the nomination with a strong Super Tuesday showing. Trump won the Florida and Ohio primaries on March 15 and with that, was coronated in Cleveland the following July.

In the general election, despite trailing Hillary Clinton narrowly throughout the summer, Trump defeated her in November, winning previously Democratic states such as Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. His signature moment came in his closing statement in the final debate where he stated: “If Hillary cannot satisfy her husband, and believe me, she can’t, then how the hell can she satisfy the United States of America.!” Trump went ahead in the polls and never looked back, winning over 320 electoral votes en route to victory.

First Term:

At his inaugural speech, Trump compared himself to Jesus Christ, stating, “some of us are just born to get stuff done.” As he stepped to the podium, a construction crew of 200,000 people from rural southern towns began laying the foundation for a wall along the Mexican border, later known as the Trump Wall. This wall spread from California to Texas and eventually adorned the Trump “T” logo in over 30,000 different spots. By New Years Day of 2019, Trump had received a check from Mexico for $50 billion. The check was personally delivered to Trump Tower in Manhattan as a symbol of gratitude from the Mexican Government. Trump also personally presided over the execution of Bowe Bergdahl and stated to the media “this guy is a traitor and a loser.”

Immigration:

Within 12 hours of Trump winning the Iowa caucuses in February of 2016, the Mexican border experienced significant reverse traffic. From 2016 until 2020, over 11 million illegal immigrants self-deported and returned to their native countries. America’s electorate began to show the effects of this reverse migration, rising from only 70% white in 2016 to over 84% white in 2028 and eventually to 96% white in 2044 following the conclusion of the Make America Even Greater Again program. Trump throughout his presidency would tout his “magical ability” to make the illegals go home.

Trade:

Trump negotiated trade deals with over 150 countries, including China. Upon the finalization of the China deal, Trump stated once again that he loved the Chinese people who bought his apartments but that America needed to be great again. Within 12 months of the deal, American factories added over 20 million new jobs as Chinese sweatshops began crumbling faster than Jeb Bush’s 2016 campaign. The Chinese Government cowered at Trump’s negotiating prowess and soon ceased to pose any challenge for the United States in South Asia.

Foreign Policy: 

Trump was determined not to be undone in American history. For this reason, decided he needed to break Harry Truman’s record for atomic bombs dropped. The first bomb he dropped was on Tehran, Iran in August of 2019. The result was a quick surrender of Iran and free oil for the occupying American forces. However, Trump wasn’t done yet.

In the summer of 2027, Trump told North Korea their country was run by a “sorry loser” and turned Pyongyang into a parking lot. The nuke leveled the entire city and caused the North Korean Government to dismantle. However, South Korea initially was not interested in paying to clean up Pyongyang. The breakthrough occurred when Trump decided to allow 50% of revenues from his new casino in a rebuilt Pyongyang to go to the South Korean government.

By 2036, Trump decided he had enough. He decided that eliminating the Middle East was the goal and he was going to accomplish his mission as he had accomplished everything else in life he had desired. With a combination of nuclear weapons and ground troops, Trump took out Lebanon, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan and the Palestinian territories. He then appointed American Governors of each country he had obliterated and built a 1,000 foot statue of himself in the capital of each nation.

Make America Greater Again:

After his 2024 victory, Trump decided he wanted to make his subsequent re-elections even easier. For this reason, he led a successful effort to repeal the 13^th, 14^th and 15^th amendments. As a result, Trump proposed relocating African-Americans to Africa despite repeated assertions that “the blacks love Trump.”

By the end of the 2030s, America’s black population had declined from 13% to 3% and whites became over 96% of the country’s population according to the 2040 U.S. Census.

Death:

Donald Trump passed away at the age of 102, outliving every President in U.S History. Trump passed on July 4th, a fitting date for the man who Made America Great Again. He was entombed in a sarcophagus at Trump Tower in Manhattan, today known as the Trump Tomb. All Trump Towers had become national landmarks following his 2024 victory. His death brought about 3 months of mourning and a special episode of Celebrity Apprentice was scheduled to select his replacement.

Currency:

Following his 2036 victory, Trump teamed up with Congress and replaced George Washington on all $1 bills with no one other than Donald J. Trump. Trump reasoned that “while Washington was a good guy, times have changed and we need a higher energy person.” Trump also replaced Abraham Lincoln on the $5 bill with his daughter, Ivanka Trump. Trump justified this by saying, “we have enough ugly men on our currency and we need a face that people want to stare at.”

Economy:

During Trump’s tenure, the stock market rose exponentially. In 2016, the Dow Jones was 16,000. In 2024, it was over 75,000 and rose to 230,000 by the time he left the Oval Office. Annual economic growth was also over 8% every single year of Trump’s presidency, including four years over 15%. Trump’s explanation for this phenomenon was simple, stating that he was a “winner.”

Culture:

Trump now occupies 100% of Mount Rushmore after bulldozing the images of the lesser Presidents on the monument.

The Donald Trump Highway (Interstate 60) runs from Southern West Virginia all the way to Las Vegas. The road runs through Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas New Mexico, Arizona and Nevada. It is an unusual interstate as it runs entirely through counties that are classified as 1) less than 15% college educated, 2) over 90% white, 3) average resident weight over 325 pounds. Trump’s images are sprinkled on billboards throughout the drive from Coal Country in West Virginia to Las Vegas. Ironically, Trump opened a casino in Las Vegas in 2033. Many of these residents along the I-60 corridor have shown their gratitude to Trump by making generous donations to the casino in the form of gambling losses. However, with an average IQ of 65 in counties located within 20 miles of I-60, questioning Trump is just not an option for these good hard working, god fearing folks.

The term “Donald Trump” has become an expression of joy. When a baseball player hits a big home run, he will often run back to the dugout and scream “Donald Trump!” as an expression of joy.

Trump’s hairstyle has also led chains such as Great Clips to feature a $10 Trump special, one dollar for every billion that Donald J. Trump was worth.

Note: This article is meant to be written around the year 2080. It might be a bit hyperbolic but a lot of Trump’s supporters believe events such as these are really destined to happen. In no way do I condone the racism of Trump or Trump supporters but this blog will not be completely about political correctness either. Enjoy the fun!